Twenty three

First of all, I was awake all night after taking a stupidly long nap after work yesterday.

The night was spent watching Californiacation, eating Doritos and walking the streets of Bethnal Green and Whitechapel while listening to Enter Shikari and feeding sleepy pigeons.

At 6 o'clock I went to brush my teeth, before jumping on the bus to work. I took me two minutes to realize that I had forgot to put toothpaste on the toothbrush.

At 7 o'clock, on my way to the bus, I realized that I had put my underwear on the wrong way. And trust me, today I am not wearing one of those humungous knickers that are.. kind of the same in the back as they are in the front. So you can imagine that this was slightly uncomfortable and I got really disturbed by the whole situation. If you put teeny, tiny thongs on THE WRONG WAY - you should be able to feel it pretty fucking straight away.

Furthermore, at the bus stop I sat down next to an elderly man with one of the friendliest faces I have ever seen. He had big black earphones and I thought "aw, he looks like a little bumblebee". Then he turned on some music and I was expecting some Frank Sinatra or Tom Jones. But no. It was David Guetta feat Akon - Sexy Bitch.

Weird. 

Once on the bus I encountered a big group of guys in their twenties and they refused to leave me alone. Due to the fact that I am almost always walking around with a notebook, one of the blokes found the perfect opening line:

Dude: "Oi, babe, you taking notes?"
Me: "Obviously"
Dude: "YOU CAN TAKE NOTES OF MY DICK YOU SEXY MINX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Other dude: "YEEEeeeeEeee.............................. hahahaha-haa COCK yeah ride DAT SHIT"

Fucked up - absolutely, but I had the situation under control. 

Then, suddenly, the "Sexy Bitch"-man came to my rescue. So small and weak but with a furious face. He started waving.. about.. with his walking-stick.

"You lads leave the lady alone, or else I will shove this up your.. (looking at the walking-stick, and then over to one of the guys who had a very bootylicious backside) WHERE IT FUCKING HURTS THE MOST!"

I said thank you to the knight in shining armor, got off the bus and went to Tesco to buy some breakfast. I ended up buying four cans of Red Bull Blueberry and a.. bag of kiwis.

Great Sunday, fuck you Sunday. I mean, come on, what have I done to deserve you.