Thirty seven

I just had one of the most important moments in my life so far. It all happened within a blink of an eye, miles away from being at all planned.

I found myself in Shepherd's Bush, walking about with a good friend of mine. We ended up outside my old flat where I spent six months back in 2011.

During that time a lot of things started, and a lot of them ended. I did some things that I am far from proud of and would rather forget. I was lost, with no train of thought, and desperately hoping that no one would ever find me. Things were hard, even when they were fairly easy. I lived like that for such a long time that I am now unable to even remember what I was like before.

I have some lovely memories from that period, but can still recall the war that was going on inside of me in every single one of them. This is all sounding massively dysfunctional, but it is a part of my story.

As I was sitting outside, looking up at what used to be my bedroom window, I got the closure I have been looking for. In that moment I knew that I am now ready to turn the page.

I finally know who I am and want to be, embracing my good and bad sides. I am proud of myself and I have so much love to give to the people worth my while, to new friends and to those who walked beside me then and still are. Today it all just got crystal clear, as if it was written down on a piece of paper for me to read.

I am leaving you now, London, with a feeling that I never thought I would feel. I am sitting here with the biggest lump in my stomach and tears running down my face, but with the greatest respect for life that I have ever felt. How peculiar it is the way it has, for whatever reason, brought me to this moment.

I am letting go now. But letting go does not mean forgetting, it just means that you have reached a point when you are ready to put it behind you and letting it be a part of your past - and accepting it.