Thirty four

I saw my Duff McKagan man (also known as Jason) sitting at the bus stop outside my house this sunny Saturday morning. It is now weeks since we crossed paths last time. He was wearing an orange beanie and a leather jacket - smoking two Marlboro Reds at the same time. He was holding one in each hand and was kind of taking turns smoking them. It looked absolutely retarded.  

Me: Oi, stranger! That hat of yours is radioactive. I saw you all the way from Tesco.

Jason: Babe! Haven't seen you IN AAAAAGEEEEEEES! Mate woooooow, dudeeeeeee. Wicked!

Me: You look well - fresh and not that drunk for a change.

Jason: Cheers! Yeah, no, I'm sober, not drinking at all anymore. Just sitting at a bus stop alone at 6 o'clock in the morning waiting for my mate who's currently throwing up in McDonald's across the road. Don't judge. You're judging me now. With you eyes. Stop doing that with your eyes. Look away!

Me: No hate dude, more of a compliment, really. You look less drunk now.. I mean, compared to the other times I've bumped into you.

Jason. That's not a compliment, Mimmi. You going to work, eh?

Me: Mh-m indeed-o.

Jason: Drunk?!

Me: I'm not drunk!

Jason: Your eyes beg to differ, ladyfriend.

Me: My eyes ain't differing nothing! I look like this in the morning!

Jason: Correct me if I'm wrong here, but you do have drunken eyes.

Me: I just said you're wrong, and you still are.

Jason: Can I come with you to work today?

Me: What.. wait. What? No!

Jason: But aaaAAAAAAaaahhHHh I want do spend time with you! And I can't BELIEVE this, I need to WEE again and GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY iPAD?

Me: You broke it?

Jason: I broke it.